I knew it wasn't healthy-- shoving my emotions to this corner in my head and trying to cover it up with work and going out. One way or another, it's going to surface.. and it did. It caught up with me.
I'm the type of person who hates "new beginnings" or "new love" because for me, it just means taking the risk-and knowing that sooner or later you're going to get incredibly hurt. I fear that a lot so I avoid putting myself in that situation. But it's gonna come, especially when you least expect it, and you're just have to take a leap of faith that everything's going to be nothing but GREAT. Then the moment that you fear arrives and you feel so stupid for taking that jump.
Unfortunately, this is what just happened. I hate this because I hate feeling weak, beaten and vulnerable. I tried to believe that I was okay with everything, but I had a total breakdown just today! I don't like exposing myself to people, or crying in front of my friends, but it's way better than crying alone. *GAWD I sound like a drama queen, i hate it* But I love them for not judging me and telling me that it's okay to sound corny and cry all I want. I tend to run away from my problems and pretend that they don't exist, I lie to myself a lot, I guess I have to face this, get it over with and move on.
A total stranger saw me crying. I was told that he kept on looking. After a while he approached us and said, "Sorry to disturb you, I hope you feel better" and gave me this: